Top 10 Reasons Why Phillip Phillips Deserves to Win AI

I did not expect it but I was just too happy when I found out that Phillip Phillips is the winner of Season 11 of the American Idol. I thought that the odds were against Phillip because first, he is a white guy with guitar (WGWG), and second, the vocal ability of Jessica Sanchez is simply unmatched. I think I even heard Phillip in one early interview saying that Jessica is the best singer of the season.

Well, these two reasons seemed to have helped Phillip win. The appeal of the WGWG, it seems, has not waned at all, even after four WGWGs winning the title for the past four seasons. It only goes to show the power of the super-girl-fans. Also, Jessica’s ability has made her the frontrunner this season that Phillip’s super-girl-fans had to take the extra effort to ensure that their idol will win.  Although Phillip has never placed in the bottom three all throughout the competition, he was actually the underdog, especially in the final race.

Somehow I wanted Jessica to win, even if I’m sure I’ll only buy Phillip’s music. I was afraid that Phillip’s victory will be translated into a racial issue and allegations that the game was fixed. Well, Jessica has talent and I thought it will be refreshing to have a female idol, for a change. Phillip, after all, is already a star. And I wanted to do away with all the ugly speculations. But he won, and the barrage of accusations came right away.

Now, that’s unfair. Racial discrimination is an old issue. The United States already has its first colored president. Phillip deserves to win, and I could think of at least ten reasons why.

#10. He is beautiful. Jessica is beautiful, too, but Phillip is beautiful inside out. His looks instantly hooked millions of girl-fans and his attitude melts the heart of many others who tried to know him.

#9. He is exciting. When I decided to follow AI this season, I always find myself in anticipation of what Phillip would perform each week. His artistry in the songs that he chose to interpret made them more famous and made many fans curious and want for more.

#8. He introduced us to music we would otherwise ignore. Videos of Damien Rice’s “Volcano” in youtube suddenly had many people watching. I was, myself, curious how the original sounded and found myself patronizing Damien Rice, as well. The judges hated it, but for me, his rendition of “Disease” is brilliant, and re-introduced the Matchbox 20 song.

#7. His music talks to your soul. Phillip makes the kind of music that you’d like to listen with your earphones, alone in a room, with the lights off. You could actually feel him and understand what he speaks behind the lyrics.

#6. He is brave. He went on stage every week doing what he wanted without fear that people would not like it. Also, he endured all season with a kidney stone problem, and did not let it hinder his performances.

#5. His music is never tiresome. You can listen to it a hundred times over and still want to listen to it a hundred times more. Personally, I preferred him over the others because I’d rather hear his crisp voice than those painful high notes.

#4. He is humble. I think in the final three, he was the least expectant. In all of the interviews, he never assumed that he would win. He knows himself and he acknowledges others’ talents.

#3. His music actually sells. Right after he sang his winning song “Home,” it instantly made its way to the top single in i-tunes. Aside from “Home,” seven other songs he performed made it to the i-tunes’ top 100. No other Idol has done that.

#2. He is original. I hear a lot of people saying he’s a Dave Matthews wannabe. I think he never denied that, he seems to have been heavily influenced by the living legend. However, towards the end of the competition, Phillip showed that he’s not just a wannabe, he is actually Phillip Phillips.

#1. He is himself. He wears dull clothes and growls most of the time, but hell, he’s just being himself. This is him. This is his music. He was never unpretentious despite the others’ trying hard to please the audience. It’s either you hate him or love him. With 132 million record-breaking votes, I think the audiences who matter really love him.

Top 10 Things I’d Say to My Boss (If I’m Brave Enough)

Today I talked back to my boss. Well, a little. I kept my cool as she lashed out at the staff, then she zeroed in on me, short of blaming me for things that I wasn’t really responsible for. Then in front of the others I told her, in an unusual loud voice, that we could not yet refer it because of the incomplete data. I sarcastically pointed out that the paper she was holding does not really tell anything. I shouted at the division chief who happens to be her close friend and demanded her to explain the delay to the boss. I made it clear I would not cover up for her.

Then, I guess, it hit her. My boss realized that I answered back, in a not-so-pleasant way. She stopped. She lowered her voice and tried to set aside her anger. I was ready to clash with her, in front of everyone else (who, I think, are just waiting for me to explode and save them). Seeing her reaction, I also controlled myself. I could have shifted from defensive to offensive position, but again, my pacifist side prevailed. I let it pass.

Now that I think of it, I could have blurted out a minimum of ten things that I’ve been aching to tell her (in a not-so-pleasant way), had I not been able to rein in my emotions. I could have said to her face, in front of everyone, that:

#10. Not because you’re older, you’re wiser. You cannot think out-of-the-box and just follow everything the higher authorities tell you like a loyal dog. You’re old school and you’re a puppet. You’re being such has already caused us a lot of troubles. You were gifted with the brain to think, so just use it and think things out first before you drag us into your quagmire of misconceptions. Your worth can never be measured by your blind obedience.

#9. We have our own lives, too. Our lives do not revolve around the office. Even the people we serve have other priorities aside from work. So give us a break. They take a break. Leaves are our entitlements, our rights. They were provided for by the law so we can take a rest. Let us use them. We need them to enjoy our lives outside of office. And don’t force us to take overtime work unless it’s really needed. Overtime work is actually a measure of inefficiency, because it only means you can’t get your job done within the mandated office hours.

#8.  We have feelings, too. We get hurt by your pointed remarks. We don’t like being shouted at. Especially in front of the others. If you have issues against us, talk to us in private. Respect us. Whatever bad thing you say to our face will forever be in our minds and no amount of sweetness from you can ever erase it. You have to understand us, before you ask us to understand you.

#7. We will not allow our families fall apart like what happened to you, just because you devoted your life to work. You were never our role model on this aspect. Your being a faithful employee made you a boss, but at the expense of your health and your kids. We work for our families. So they can have decent lives. A broken family is not what a decent life means to our children. Our families always come first.

#6. You have a lot of talented subordinates but you don’t allow them to realize their potential. You thwart their growth by depriving them of the much needed training because you are afraid that if they become too good, they’ll learn that what you are doing is not right and they will leave you. This is also the reason why you have kept mediocre personnel under your wing all these years because they will kiss your ass anytime. Let the good ones shine. Let me shine. Try to become less self-centered and we will not get back at you. That’s the only way you can make us feel indebted to you.

#5. Before you attack others’ weaknesses, look at their strengths first. Many of our staff now are demoralized and have lost the drive to perform, because they will only need to commit one mistake and you put them down as if they have not done anything good at all. As if they have never helped you. You are not disciplining them this way, you only make them apathetic and feel useless. It only takes a pat on the back or a smiley on a note to make them feel appreciated.

#4. You are not always right. Being a boss does not make you all-knowing. Listen. You will learn a lot of fresh perspectives if you will only listen. Sometimes their views are more relevant to the times. Worse, you have eternally zipped their mouths shut because you get angry when they try to raise a point. You reject good ideas because you refuse to understand. You dampen their initiatives. You instantly kill them because you don’t agree with them at the outset.

#3. Not because you’re sick, we will always be kind to you. We have been patient with you because you have a medical condition. I am here because I have made it my duty to support you. But I will not support you at the expense of the staff whom I know have always given their tasks their best shot and whom I can always rely on for support. Don’t use your illness as an excuse. One day, you will find yourself unable to appeal to pity, because we got tired of you already.

#2. You will never be good enough so stop trying to please the higher authorities. You try hard to “perfect” our outputs and yet we still get criticized for mediocre and delayed outputs. That’s because you want to do everything your way, even if it’s the wrong way, leaving us with no choice but to just let you do what you want. Because you are so “hands-on” on everything, you cannot attend to other things. Since you are a control-freak and you don’t delegate, you’d rather let other outputs wait until you have time to attend to them. We end up swatting flies all the time because of you.

#1. Do not use God’s name in vain. You only knew about God because you got sick. Not because you have turned into a believer, you become the epitome of what is morally right. We had our faith long before you did and we have our own sense of what is right. You should never impose on us by invoking what you think is the will of God. First and foremost, Christianity taught us to love our neighbors. You have been sorely lacking in this aspect.

If I had the courage to say all these, what could have happened? Well, I know she wouldn’t be able to easily kick me out of work. But I will sure have a negative reputation for lashing out on her. Worse, the staff might take pity on her and side with her, especially since many of the stuff that I’ve been meaning to say are really below-the-belt. It’s a dilemma, really. Should I keep my silence or speak out? For now, I guess, I’d just keep everything here, in this blog.

Top 10 Things I Like about The Avengers

Today I treated myself and the kids to another great movie, The Avengers. It is so great that the queue to the ticket booth was already about a half kilometer long at the first hour that the cinema opened. Thanks to my privilege card, we did not have to suffer the agony of waiting.

Okay, unlike the others, I wasn’t able to follow the lives or the movies shown for each Avenger, especially when Nick Fury kept coming out in the end. I saw him in Captain America, but I’m not sure in Thor because I wasn’t able to finish it. Then I learned that Fury comes out in the end as a prelude to that one big movie where all those heroes, now called The Avengers, will be in. Talk about preparation! Now that I think of it, why aren’t other Marvel heroes there, like Spiderman and the X-Men. And will there be a movie featuring the Super Friends?

I like it so much that I was able to come up with top 10 things that I really like about it:

#10.  That all of them are hot. By order of hotness, they are: Chris Evans (Captain America), Chris Hemsworth (Thor), Robert Downey, Jr. (Iron Man), Mark Ruffalo (Hulk), Jeremy Renner (Hawkeye), even Samuel Jackson (Nick Fury – although I’m distracted by the stitches around his covered eye), Tom Hiddlestone (Loki, the villain with a stylish hair), and yes the girls: Scarlett Johansson (Black Widow), Cobie Smulders (Agent Maria Hill), and Gwyneth Paltrow (Peppers Potts, Iron Man’s love interest). I couldn’t get enough of them.

#9. The concept for the enemy. I did not read ahead about the plot but I was really wondering what kind of a villain could possibly challenge those heroes. I mean, what is it that would be too powerful that Fury would need all of them? I did not imagine that it would be Thor’s brother, Loki. Only a god, of course, would qualify (but that didn’t deter Hulk when he threw him around).

#8. The inclusion of the two plain humans but with special skills — Hawkeye and Black Widow. They were not experiment products nor demigods but they sure rock! This means that you can be a hero even if you don’t have superpowers.

#7. That they fought against each other at first. It would be impossible to believe that with their super-egoes they would get along instantly. Well, to put it more accurately, Iron Man did not get along with them in the start.

#6. That many of them can’t fly (or can’t jump between buildings like Hulk). Hawkeye and Black Widow in many instances needed help to get to high places. Even Captain America was almost thrown off the plane or the ship or the base when he was being gunned down by an assasin. The fact that three of the heroes can’t fly, make them, well, grounded.

#5. The fact that the first time Bruce Banner transformed in the movie, he ended up naked. C’mon, he’s got to be naked after breaking out in anger because he tore his clothes into pieces, right? The producers of Twilight should consider the same for Jacob in its last installment.

#4. The friendship of Black Widow and Hawkeye. When Hawkeye was under Loki’s spell, Black Widow knocked him unconscious to help him return to consciousness. Isn’t it sweet? I’m thinking probably there’s more than friendship to it. Nonetheless, I like their partnership.

#3. That Thor has always considered Loki as his brother (even if he threw him into the abyss). Actually he got stabbed because of that. I like that in the end they did not kill Loki despite all the crazy things he has done, perhaps because of Thor. They just shut his mouth up and let Thor bring him back to their world, with the glowing green cube, which basically started the mayhem.

#2. That Iron Man, despite his selfishness was willing to sacrifice himself to save the world by bringing the rocket to the outer space (which was, by the way, so powerful it managed to hit the enemy’s base huh). He even followed, along with the others, Captain America’s gameplan in the end (I love his instruction to Hulk — smash).

#1. The hilarious antics. I laughed hard not only at Iron Man’s remarks. I think there was something funny in about three-fourths of the movie. It was funny when Black Widow was first called, when Black Widow tried to convince Dr. Bruce Banner to join, when Agent Coulson visited Tony Stark, when Agent Coulson talked to Captain America, when Iron Man and Thor first met, when Hulk came to the scene of action, when Hulk smashed Loki, and when Hulk growls at Iron Man when they thought he was dead. I think I laughed for maybe about 80% of the movie.

Overall, The Avengers was a great treat. Watching it was the nicest way to cap the week, I think even the month. Two thumbs up!

Top 10 Powers for the President

Now the Philippine President Noynoy Aquino is in real trouble. Aside from the skyrocketing prices of oil, food and just about anything, the non-performing economy, the non-arrival of promised investments, a deadlock with the judiciary, he is faced with a serious problem which his cheerleaders press machinery cannot simply shrug off: power (I mean energy, electricity) crisis.  For a month now, the southern part of the Philippines is experiencing shortage of power of about 8 to 10 hours a day. Imagine that — I couldn’t even last without electricity for an hour!

Much to his dismay, the President needs to cut back on his “noynoying” time to address the problem before it gets out of control. The Philippine Congress’ lower house was quick to propose the granting of “special powers” to the President to help him stem the looming power crisis. We don’t really know what they mean by special powers, but in the spirit of volunteerism and participatory decision-making, the Congress could use some help in determining which powers the President should have. Below are some suggestions:

#10. Energy Manipulation – This includes the ability to absorb power, like X-Men’s Rogue, and transfer power to another, just like what John Smith did to Number Six when she ran out of energy in the movie, “I am Number Four.” If President Noynoy has this power, he could just suck in energy from other places in the world and channel it to Mindanao. He could also use this to energize his Cabinet.

#9. X-ray Vision – The President could use this Superman’s power to see what Grace Lee  is wearing underneath. C’mon the President needs to be inspired to be able to deal with the demands of his position! And yes, with x-ray vision he will still be able to see Mindanao at night amidst power outages. He could also use it to see through bank vaults and find out how much money Chief Justice Renato Corona is hiding.

#8. Weather Control – Another X-Men power, Storm can cause rain, thunder or a twister when she uses this. With this power, the President will then be investing in hydroelectric plants in Mindanao to sustain a steady supply of power. He will not only be able to bring in rains but also control it so the country will no longer suffer from devastating floods. He could also subdue the fire that razed a mall in Caloocan City way better than the fire department which took 80 hours to stop it. Or he could use this power to neutralize his enemies with lightning strikes.

#7. Clairvoyance – By being able to see the future like Alice Cullen in Twilight, President Noynoy will be able to know if the power crisis will be solved without his intervention or plunge the economy to greater depths. If what will happen is the former, then the President may just sit back, relax and watch the invisible hand at work. However, if it’s going to be the latter, well he has the option to resign before hell breaks loose or appoint his Vice-President as the chief energy troubleshooter (and ruin his presidential bid, as well).

#6. Shield – Just like Twilight’s Bella Swan and Fantastic Four’s Sue Storm, President Noynoy may project powerful force fields that will shield him and his administrations from critics who never run out of destructive comments about every little thing they do. This will also enable them to do their job without distraction and save the country from stupid press releases showing the President carrying a stack of folder or reading without eyeglasses.

#5. Teleportation – Just like X-Men’s Nightcrawler, this power will enable President Noynoy to move from one place to another in split seconds and attend to various problems all over the archipelago. With this, people in Mindanao will no longer feel neglected because the President is with them. This will also allow President Noynoy to sneak into Grace Lee’s quarters, even without her knowing it; get past bank vaults to Justice Corona’s deposits; and never miss parties held by his security group and friends.

#4. Invisibility – A power of Sue Storm and Harry Potter’s gift, this will enable President Noynoy to secretly investigate his opponents and disappear in the middle of a controversy. On second thought, he may already have this ability because he could be nowhere to be found during critical times, such as the Luneta hostage-taking and onslaught of typhoons, among others. 

#3. Telepathy – This could be in the form of mind reading, like what Edward Cullen could do,  or the power to manipulate minds like Renesmee Cullen and Dr. X. If President Noynoy has this power, he would be able to shape the decisions of major energy industry players and dissuade his critics from attacking him with his mind, without really performing any motion. Well, I think he already knows how to not do anything, but the key for this power to be effective is he should learn how to use his brain really hard.

#2. Telekinesis –  This is advanced telepathy because this involves not just manipulating minds but making mind prevail over matter. Jean Grey is a class 5 mutant because of her ability to move objects with her mind. Imagine President Noynoy having this! He wouldn’t have to move at all. He could even make his enemies do things they’d rather die than be caught doing, like Justice Corona admitting in national TV that he owns 45 properties not to mention those he has abroad. But then again, he needs to learn how to think hard first before mastering this ability.

#1. The Power to Turn Back Time – President Noynoy could use this power to return to the time when power was not yet a problem and focus on reforms in the energy sector. He could also use it to go back to the time when he was prodded to run for the presidency and decide otherwise. This way, he would have all the freedoms he used to enjoy without being under the scrutiny of the public such as playing PlayStation Portable (PSP) 24 hours straight in a day. Who knows, we won’t be having this problem in the first place!

If you could give the President any of these power(s), which would you choose?

My Top 10 I Believe’s

When I was taking my second post-graduate course, our professor instructed us to come up with top 10 things we believed in. I thought it was corny and totally unrelated to the course, but it was a good exercise. My recent outdoor adventure afforded me some time, with the help of glorious scenes that filled my mind, to contemplate and revisit the 10 things I believe in or more like my philosophies in life, my idiotsyncrasies…

#10. I believe that about 60 percent of married couples stay together for convenience, and not because they are madly, deeply in love with each other.

I don’t have statistical evidence for this claim, but in the age of divorce and annulment, I think it is pretty easy to break up a marriage once incompatibilities set in. Ever heard of “opposites attract”? This is cute only if you’re talking about teenage love. My high school teacher once said that sex is only good for 10 minutes, so find a partner with whom you can talk about anything under the sun when you grow old. Now, I’m beginning to think she’s right (not that I’m that old). When the passion dries up, you’ll notice how you’re incompatible with one another, so you end up looking for other passion. Unless it’s convenient for you to stay in the relationship — either you experience mutualism or commensalism. Don’t know what these mean? Google it.

#9. I believe that “hell hath no fury than a woman scorned.”

Men are susceptible to women’s revenge because of their weakness named after them: the male ego. Men were made to believe that because Adam was created first, women should fulfill their wishes. Of course we now know that is BS. In fact, their overemphasized self-importance made them a weaker specie — all a woman needs to do to get back at a man is to do exactly what the man does not want her to do.  A man can stare at a bitc woman who is not his significant other simply because he thinks it is his inborn right to appreciate beauty and never get confronted for it. If you’re a woman, try doing the same thing and I assure you it will only take less than five seconds for your man to be seriously pissed.

#8. I believe in karma.

Again, there is no scientific study which could really prove this. But this is a good philosophy to live by . According to a school of thought, humans are predisposed to seek happiness and avoid pain. An adulterated version of the Confucian saying goes: if you want to be happy and don’t want to experience pain, then do not cause pain to others because it will go back to you someday. If you refrain from doing bad things to others, then you’ll be able to live freely and feel less guilt, which should be an unfavorable feeling. But if you have sadistic tendencies and you find happiness in making others feel miserable, then, this does not apply to you, and if you’re that  person, then I seriously think you should go to hell.

#7. I believe in heaven and hell.

I know, I suffer hell everyday. I wonder when I’d get to see the other side. This is like the “yin and yang,” the best and the worst , the extremes which we go through in our daily lives. We don’t need to die to experience heaven and hell. Associated with heaven and hell are the concepts of reward and punishment, respectively. When you do good, you get rewarded, you get a taste of heaven (vacations, bigger pay, etc.), and vice-versa. There has to be a goal or a destination in the path we take: heaven or hell. Yes, it feels good to do something bad sometimes, but what is bad is relative. It is only bad if it adversely affects others. In other words, watching porn doesn’t count unless you would want to try what you watched to unconsenting individuals — that’s rape. It could be heaven for the rapist but it is the beginning of a life of hell for the victim. But whatever bliss the rapist gets is temporary, because the ultimate hell is waiting for him from death penalty.

#6. I believe that nothing is constant in this world except death and taxes.

You drink, eat, move, and always get taxed. You lead a boring or exciting life, you still die. So death and taxes are the two inevitables or constants in any person’s life. It is important to note that while you fall prey to these two, everything else in the world changes. Your friends today may not be there tomorrow, especially if you happen to become jobless, penniless and utterly useless the next day. In the same vein, everything you have right now could disappear in the blink of an eye, so don’t hold on to it as if it’s all that matters to you. Give your money and possesions away to the governme charity or to a good cause. At least, when you die you leave a legacy behind.

#5. I believe that the children are our greatest legacy.

No offense meant to those who can’t bear a child. But for parents out there, it is how you are as a parent that matters, not just how you are as a provider. Giving birth to a child is not just a consummation of an unprotected sexual act. It takes a lot of responsibility not only because you need to feed, clothe and buy expensive gadgets for your child, but because you need to educate the child on how he or she should relate to others. Education is first a function of the family, the schools only supplement. It is not enough that you are able to provide the latest technology for your child’s use, it is more about guiding your child so that technology could not corrupt. Your child is your contribution to the world, so the kind of children you raise speaks of what kind of  a person you are. That being said, we now know that Adolf Hitler’s parents did a great injustice to mankind. You may now cite your own examples.

#4. I believe that life will be a lot easier if I will be true to myself.

It’s exactly why my life is difficult and why I maintain a blog . Much as I’d like to be true to myself, I could not, because I have to be mindful of others’ feelings. I can just walk in the office and tell someone to drop dead and get lost. But that will cost me my job. By some degrees I am doing myself a favor by being true about manageable things  and get rid of a lot of emotional baggage. For example, my husband knows I am not that enthusiastic about having hanky-panky anymore (so he looks for creative ways to lure me). That way, I wouldn’t have to fake orgasms. The challenge really is finding the manageable level of being true which would result in minimal pain to others and optimal benefit to oneself in terms of less life’s complications.

#3. I believe that what is simple is never too simple.

How often do we hear people saying that they only want a simple life? Ernst Engel once said that as your income rises, you tend to spend on other stuffs you think are necessities but are actually not — or something to that effect. When you were only earning this much, you wish to earn a little more so you can provide a decent, simple life for your family. When you earn a little more, you wish that you can earn some more so that your family could live decently, yet simply. C’mon! If we return to the basics, simple life should mean being able to send your children to school and putting food on the table. And then we argue about what kind of school and which food we eat. Can we live on bread alone?  Not anymore. “Simple” is a much abused word because we use it as if we know it , but we cannot really define it. Its definition is limitless.

#2. I believe that we cannot have everything that our hearts desire.

So settle for second best. Stay in the relationship because it’s better than breaking up.  Succumbing to passion is not sustainable, and oftentimes gives you hell. If you bear a child, focus your passion on bringing them up as if doing justice to the society. Learn contentment and be happy with what you have and have become without, as much as possible, compromising others’ happiness. Accept the truth: it is probably as good as it gets. Know your strengths and use them to your advantage. Set manageable targets. Live one day at a time. You will die anyway.

#1. I believe that life is short.

About half of the people close to me in the office have cancer. Most of them devoted their lives to work. After years of being slaves, they got promoted, but at the expense of broken families or not being able to make a family at all. Will I follow their footsteps? Hell, no! I have decided to live my life to the fullest but promise to never lose sight of my reachable goals and forget my values. Little by little, I know I will get by. Heaven awaits me. Meanwhile, I choose to be happy. For whatever that means.

Top Ten Erap Jokes

Siempre, para kwela dapat may Erap Jokes. Here are my favorites:

#10

After finishing the main course at lunch meeting with Clinton.
Erap is asked if he would like another serving.

Erap replies politely: “No thank you. I’m fed up already.”

#9

Teacher: Can you give me an example of a beast of burden?

Erap: Carabao, ma’am!

Teacher: Very good, ERAP. Can you give another example?

Erap: How about another Carabao?

#8

Erap: Hello, I will like to inquire how long is the flight to San Francisco?

Operator: Just a minute sir…

Erap: Thank you! (klik).

#7

Erap taking a bath nang biglang lumindol. He ran outside the Beverly Hotel without his clothes on.

Guard: Mr. President! I think you forgot something…

Erap: Ay sh*t! Yung wristband ko!

#6

Sa isang party. Sabi ng isang Ambassador to Erap,  “I haven’t met your wife. Where is she?”

Napadaan si First Lady Loi. Sabi ni Erap, “Oh, my wife just passed away.”

#5

Driver to Erap: Sir, pweding pakitingin kung umiilaw yung parking light (as driver switches on the parking light)

Erap: OK, its ON! Gumagana.

Driver: Sir, yung headlights, umiilaw ba? (as driver switches on the headlights)

Erap: OK rin, its ON! Gumagana.

Driver: Sir yung signal light pakitingin? (as driver switches on the signal light)

Erap: Gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw…

#4

One particular day many years ago, Erap’s wife was having labor pains. Erap panicked so he called their doctor.

Erap: Hello, doc. My wife is in labor!

Doc: Is she in a lot of pain?

Erap: Yes, doc!

Doc: Is this the first baby?

Erap: No, doc. This is Erap!

#3

“What time does the library open?” Erap on the phone asked.

“Nine A.M. ” came the reply. “And what’s the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?”

“Not until nine A.M.?” Erap asked in a disappointed voice.

“No, not till nine A.M.!” the librarian said. “Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?”

“Ha, who said I wanted to get in?” Erap sighed sadly. “I want to get out!”

#2

The Abu Sayyaf were looking for FVR, GMA and Erap, who all  hid inside a sack each.

The rebels kicked FVR’s sack, and FVR said:  “Arf! Arf!”

The rebels moved to GMA’s sack and kicked it, GMA said:  “Meow! Meow!”

The rebels moved to Erap’s sack and kicked it, and Erap  said: “Patatas! Patatas!”

#1

FVR, Cory and Erap, are about to be executed in front of a firing squad. Each of them is blinfolded and given the chance to call upon the forces of nature to save them.

The executioner starts the countdown: “10, 9, 8,….”. FVR shouts, “Flood!”. In a sudden, a big wave came. FVR was able to escape because of the commotion.

It’s Cory’s turn. She shouts: “Earchquake!”. The people watching the execution panicked. She was able to escape.

Erap was wondering what calamity to call. The executioner started counting again: “10, 9, 8, 7….”. Erap had a mental block. “5, 4, 3, 2, 1…” Erap shouted: “Fire!”