Karaoke Fail

I love Koreans, okay. I’m a big fan of korean dramas. But I can’t help but giggle on this video. Got it from Strange Fruit :p

Top Ten Erap Jokes

Siempre, para kwela dapat may Erap Jokes. Here are my favorites:

#10

After finishing the main course at lunch meeting with Clinton.
Erap is asked if he would like another serving.

Erap replies politely: “No thank you. I’m fed up already.”

#9

Teacher: Can you give me an example of a beast of burden?

Erap: Carabao, ma’am!

Teacher: Very good, ERAP. Can you give another example?

Erap: How about another Carabao?

#8

Erap: Hello, I will like to inquire how long is the flight to San Francisco?

Operator: Just a minute sir…

Erap: Thank you! (klik).

#7

Erap taking a bath nang biglang lumindol. He ran outside the Beverly Hotel without his clothes on.

Guard: Mr. President! I think you forgot something…

Erap: Ay sh*t! Yung wristband ko!

#6

Sa isang party. Sabi ng isang Ambassador to Erap,  “I haven’t met your wife. Where is she?”

Napadaan si First Lady Loi. Sabi ni Erap, “Oh, my wife just passed away.”

#5

Driver to Erap: Sir, pweding pakitingin kung umiilaw yung parking light (as driver switches on the parking light)

Erap: OK, its ON! Gumagana.

Driver: Sir, yung headlights, umiilaw ba? (as driver switches on the headlights)

Erap: OK rin, its ON! Gumagana.

Driver: Sir yung signal light pakitingin? (as driver switches on the signal light)

Erap: Gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw…

#4

One particular day many years ago, Erap’s wife was having labor pains. Erap panicked so he called their doctor.

Erap: Hello, doc. My wife is in labor!

Doc: Is she in a lot of pain?

Erap: Yes, doc!

Doc: Is this the first baby?

Erap: No, doc. This is Erap!

#3

“What time does the library open?” Erap on the phone asked.

“Nine A.M. ” came the reply. “And what’s the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?”

“Not until nine A.M.?” Erap asked in a disappointed voice.

“No, not till nine A.M.!” the librarian said. “Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?”

“Ha, who said I wanted to get in?” Erap sighed sadly. “I want to get out!”

#2

The Abu Sayyaf were looking for FVR, GMA and Erap, who all  hid inside a sack each.

The rebels kicked FVR’s sack, and FVR said:  “Arf! Arf!”

The rebels moved to GMA’s sack and kicked it, GMA said:  “Meow! Meow!”

The rebels moved to Erap’s sack and kicked it, and Erap  said: “Patatas! Patatas!”

#1

FVR, Cory and Erap, are about to be executed in front of a firing squad. Each of them is blinfolded and given the chance to call upon the forces of nature to save them.

The executioner starts the countdown: “10, 9, 8,….”. FVR shouts, “Flood!”. In a sudden, a big wave came. FVR was able to escape because of the commotion.

It’s Cory’s turn. She shouts: “Earchquake!”. The people watching the execution panicked. She was able to escape.

Erap was wondering what calamity to call. The executioner started counting again: “10, 9, 8, 7….”. Erap had a mental block. “5, 4, 3, 2, 1…” Erap shouted: “Fire!”

Tribute

Let me share with you the tribute I made to a dear boss who decided to abandon our vow of poverty and left our god-forsaken office…

If there are two persons who really made me feel my worth in this office, they would be my former big Boss and you. When he left, I felt orphaned. I suddenly felt that I had no one to turn to. I really thought it was the end for me when the new guys came. But you came with them.

Funny, I thought that time, I saw you a month ago when you scared the crap out of me as you interrogated me about pollution and environmental permits. Like, what on earth was that? It was so embarrassing because the only thing I could think of was “one-stop shop.” When you left the room, I was stunned for ten minutes. How could someone who looked so nice and harmless be so terrifying?

So I guess I flunked that because of you. Just kidding. I know I did poorly and I admit my ethical sense was kinda screwed up that time. You probably read the scratch papers and found out what my drafts looked like. And you were probably disgusted. In fact, I still feel horrified when I think about it. Frankly, I was so traumatized that until now, I haven’t mustered enough courage to go through it all over again. Plus, I don’t have the money.

Though you gave me hell that day, you were heaven sent when we met again. I was in a difficult situation, and was really already looking for other employment prospects. I thought it was just a matter of time. Until you noticed me (well, you had no choice, really) and began trusting in me and my work. For the first time after I vacated that 10^th floor office, I felt important again in this place.

I bet you know what it’s like. You know that feeling when one day everyone is befriending you because you are the assistant of a VIP, and then the next day, by a sudden twist of fate, you text these people, and they reply: “Who u?” I was at my lowest point of self-esteem and began doubting what I was capable of doing. But you believed in me. You made me believe in myself. Then I had nothing else to prove to anyone.

You saved my ass. And I would be grateful to you for that for the rest of my life. Then I kept hearing about good things you said about me. I did not know you liked me that much. You were probably guilty because you flunked me. Haha! That was why when you asked me to help you, even if I was already happy going home at three in the morning every other day in my unit, I came to this office. My God, I would even do cartwheel or eat with my feet, if you’d ask me to! I will even join you if you will only ask me. So, please ask me. Joke.

Kidding aside, it’s really sad that you are leaving us. You are our defender and source of strength, in other words, yabang. We are so proud of you and feel so blessed that we worked under you. You are really such a great loss not only to us, but to everyone here. But I can’t blame you. Looking at the bright side, it means you will be able to inspire more people out there…where the pay is higher and allowances are untaxed. I am jealous of those people. Not because they are paid generously, but because they will have you.

I know you will go places. More places. I hope you won’t forget us because we will never forget you. I learned a lot from you – on work, motherhood, being true to yourself, dealing with my husband, etc. Whether you like it or not, I have decided to emulate you. For you are larger than life.